Managing your emotions

Set small goals for yourself and build them up slowly. Try to take each day as it comes and not think ahead too much.

Some people find it helps to set small daily goals, even if you just say to yourself, "I will get up today and walk around the block once". Or, "I will ring a friend for a short chat today". This is a start and a big achievement for someone who is very depressed or anxious. It might be helpful to write this down to remind yourself what you have been doing

So give yourself a pat on the back for every task you do daily. You shouldn’t expect to feel better overnight. Feeling better takes time and happens gradually.

Physical activity is another great way to help control the intensity of some of your feelings. Physical activity increases the body’s level of chemicals called endorphins. These help us feel good.

Don't push yourself too much if your cancer makes you feel ill. Listen to your body, but do try to do something physical. Even trying something gentle, such as yoga or a short walk each day, can help.

This isn’t always easy if your cancer or treatment makes you sick or tired. But if you can, eating a healthy, well balanced diet will keep up your energy levels and may make it easier to cope with feeling depressed or anxious. Treatment can sometimes change your sense of taste. Allow yourself to try new types of food.

Not eating regularly makes most of us feel terrible. We can become irritable and anxious, lack enthusiasm and find it difficult to concentrate. If you already feel like this, not eating properly will only make things worse.

Read more about diet and cancer

Trying to dull your emotions by drinking alcohol or taking recreational drugs can be tempting if you feel very depressed or anxious. This may help for a short time but will definitely make you feel worse once the effects wear off.

Having a glass of wine or a beer now and then is not likely to do you any harm. But taking too much alcohol and some recreational drugs will make depression worse. You may become dependent on them if you use them for long periods, which can be very difficult to deal with.

Some people find that complementary therapies help them to relax and cope with episodes of anxiety, fear and depression. Relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, visualisation and hypnotherapy are just a few that may help. Having a massage or reflexology may also help you feel better.

Some cancer units and support groups have a massage therapist. Ask about having weekly massages for a while. Make sure you use properly trained and qualified practitioners.

Read more about relaxation techniques in our section about complementary therapies

Find ways to express and ease your tension. Talking to other people, listening to some loud music, yelling at the top of your voice, or having a good cry may help you feel better.

Don't be afraid to talk to the people close to you. Not everyone finds it easy to talk about their feelings, but choose someone you trust and let them be a listening ear.

Talking about your worries can be a huge relief and make you feel better. It may be hard to explain how you truly feel, especially to someone who has never felt very depressed or anxious. But many people will be sympathetic. They would want to know how you feel and support you by listening. They may be waiting for you to tell them when you are ready to talk.

Creating your support network

Some people may not be able to be there for you or be emotionally available. They may have difficult experiences of their own that could affect their capacity to support. Others might find it hard to understand why you cannot make yourself feel better or ‘pull yourself together’. If someone has said this to you, you might feel hurt or disappointed. In that case, it would be better to focus on the people that you can rely on and form a reliable support network.

Sometimes it may surprise you who would support you. Some friends will stick by you, and they will be there once you feel better again, even if they do not fully understand why you feel the way you do. Many people don’t realise that depression can be linked to a chemical imbalance. But once they know, they may be able to understand your situation better.

Counselling and joining a cancer support group

Another way of getting emotional support is to join a cancer support group. Not everyone feels comfortable doing this, but many people find that talking to others in similar situations helps a lot.

Look at our list of counselling organisations if you would like to talk to someone outside your friends and family. To find out more about counselling, look at our counselling section. 

The Royal College of Psychiatrists has information about coping with depression.

Read more about depression on the Royal College of Psychiatrists website

Not everyone likes to write down how they are feeling. But you may find it helps you to understand your feelings better.

Getting your thoughts onto paper can be a great release instead of keeping them all inside. Even if it's just a few words each day, it can be really helpful.

If you think that feeling better is taking too long, reading back over your journal might help you see that you are making progress. You may see from what you wrote a month ago, that you are not feeling as bad now.

Drawing and art therapy can be helpful. Drawing and painting can be a way of expressing emotions and showing how you feel.

Read more on art therapy

You might find it very useful to read about depression and what can be done to help.

For example, reading this information may help you understand some of your moods and feelings. Hopefully, you will realise that you are not alone. Help is available to support you.

Finding the best information

There are some very good books and leaflets about managing and coping with depression and anxiety, especially for people with cancer. But there are also some very unhelpful ones.

It is important that you read reliable, up to date information. It can sometimes be difficult to know how to find this. Some helpful information suggestions are in our reading list for this section. Or you can ask your GP or specialist nurse for advice about what to read.